Fought myself whether to Blog this TW child abuse thoughts

On 13th March 2016 had a long conversation with a friend about childhood abuse, its affects and PTSD. now the first aspect is hidden too much, and second third issues are similar and also discounted often as non existent. The conversations ive had many times i read that it all is something that has profound effects, both because it actually happening/happenned, and then compounded by people denying its effects.
I watched, and was moved by this inherrent denial attitude, a "Kidnapping" and resolutions film a couple of days before that conversation, a historic one from British Pathe News, where a lad was kidnapped for months and the news reel said " *Peter* (that wasnt his name) can get back to family life easily within days after two months away, hes luck to have his family" Thats abridged... but it still pervades that abuse has zero effect and no affectaction on victim....
This further is vivid with the way the csa enquiries and "historic abuse" cases are investigated. Its not historic to the victims. CSA isnt the only type of abuse either. Theres things like dysphoria suppression, violent, psycologic abuse and more. There is something i wish i could do to shake people to realise that this is an important area, and is dismissed far to easily as a sideline, or as a historic thing as if it has no current effects or isnt happening today. Thats like Turning away and saying "i never saw that, not my business, shant interfere" by doing that those that turn away...Arent they complicit too?
Like the people who knew what my father was like, but did nothing. I concluded they were complicit.

Are people thick? It seems DWP might be , people arent ..

 WHAT IS A 90 MINUTE AWAY JOB?


DWP say :
Look for jobs up to a 90 minute commute away. Travelling further opens up more vacancies

I say, socially and economically the following:
DWP , should think though the cost of 90mins there, 90 mins back, travel cost, or even possibility in places is dire..
And sometimes 90 minutes means different things like in car, on bike, by means of walk, or public transport.. or private costly train.. so how can they judge compliance?
What is a 90 minute away job?
So definining 90 minutes, is arbitrary, sometimes unachievable. And if low paid, travel cost punitive.
People ( who generally are sensible about search thresholds) arent expecting jobs at the end of their road, anyway, but just what toll it takes on them, cost and other factors transpire

From Paula Peters : a guest blog from a Disability Activist on IDS resignation

Paula writes: I have so many feelings about IDS right now am struggling to find the words. I know several hours after his resignation I sat on the sofa unable to sleep sobbing my heart out. I thought about my friends and their families will grieve for the rest of their lives. No resignation will ever change that. So many people have lost loved ones and friends and many in tragic appalling circumstances. Thousands of human beings are dead because of IDS and this evil government. IDS has blood on his hands and nothing will ever ever change that. That is not social justice Iain Duncan Smith, your polices killed, tortured, traumatised millions that is something you should hang your head in shame for IDS.
That you say today your reforms were about social justice is utter rot. They were ideological, intent to cause distress, harm and kill as many people as possible. You simply did not care about anyone you inflicted pain on.
We consign you to the dustbin of history I hope one day I can get your voice and your head out of my head. Because you caused countless sleepness nights, nightmares, and pain I know I will never able to be able to talk about
The policies of your inhumanity remain. You will be remembered as one of the most reviled politicans of the tory government.you will always be known as IDS, murderer, blood on your hands from those who died due to the WCA, died to the sanctions, died due to the stress and fear of the assessments, job centre visits and the discrimminatory rheotric you used on a daily basis against those who you thought were nothing in your eyes.
Each and everyone of us are human beings...something you know nothing about because you need to have a heart to be human and you were always born without one.
You are heartless and no excuses will ever change it.
Last night with all the media surrounding us it was surreal, it was emotional, it was raw, it was numbing, it was strange. It was so overwhelming. From barely having any media coverage for almost six years, to everyone wanting a picture, an interview with all of us it was tough. At times we did not have the words we so wish we could have said. I broke down at one point talking to the channel 4 journalist she had tears in her eyes when talking to me and to many of us.
The fight is far from over. Until we get our rights restored to us, until we get this government to face justice for the deaths of thousands and the suffering of millions this fight will never be over.
Forgive me if i sound emotional, Spent part of the day in tears, still cant get my head around any of it. its been a tough six years. i have seen too many people die due to the callousness of this government, seen too many people struggle and suffer.
I hate everything you stand for IDS. karma will come to you. what goes around comes around.....and you will get yours. in this life or the next.
We have long memories and we will never ever let you get off lightly from six years of hell.
Karma is something IDS you will find will judge you very very harshly.

Where Rhetoric affects lives in a collision of misled truth v reality

VIA @fractalbears on twitter

A lot of us were saying pre-2010 that a Tory win would mean the suffering of a lot of disabled people. Very few people believed us.
They promised that disabled people would be protected, that we need to care for the most vulnerable in society (as they still are).
They got around it by claiming enormous levels of fraud, that we have an easy life while others are struggling. Instilling an us vs them.
Despite it being known to be lies, destroying the lives of so many already suffering, they continue even now to do the same.
The divide and conquer rhetoric has weaved it’s way through our society, people can’t wait to vent their anger at someone they’ve seen standing up out of a wheelchair or carrying shopping, having no clue as to their ailments.
The press know this and feed it with stories of scroungers, light on facts and instead full of speculation. MPs pile in by talking about people ‘taking advantage’, feeding it more.
Rather than stand up for us, when the average person speaks of ESA/PIP, the first thing they talk about is ‘if you’re GENUINELY disabled..’
Not that it’s awful so many of us are dying, often by our own hand. Not that we’re losing homes, losing our care, being dragged through hell.
Nope, instead ‘well as long as you’re NOT faking’.
We know what they think of us, what you think of us. We’ve heard you loud and clear.
It’s always “I didn’t mean you, you’re okay, it’s THEM”
They’ll even speak to you about how they saw their neighbour doing this and that “they’re the ones I mean, the people who are faking”. They have no idea of the state of our health but feel they’re in a position to judge.
I’ve had it. I used my disabled badge when spouse drove me to the shops. Someone wrote into the local paper aghast at someone so blatantly “abusing” it simply because I was young, the car was sporty (an MR2), and they couldn’t see what was wrong with me.
I was so crushed.
People are watching us all the time, waiting for us to do something to justify saying “FAKE DISABLED!”, taking pictures of us.. Is it any wonder we’re getting anxious about leaving the house? Going out terrifies me at times. There were enough obstacles already without having to try and avoid unwarranted suspicion.
I’ve been followed, spat on, had my chair moved without permission, spoken down to, verbally abused… and all *because I’m disabled*.
This is what all this rhetoric does, what it culminates as.
Hate crimes are skyrocketing because of it.

Me: This is a serious experience. This is truth. This is what many should understand and incorporate into what they actually believe. The media is destroying society, and hampering lives, as is the current govt. I do believe the current govt is not countering misconceptions as part of their well secret NUDGE unit.I also believe they are supplying messages to further this message of deserving / undeserving. This position i hold is from observation and a desire for the truth I hold - to them division is control. It is time we reclaimed both correct understandings, compassions, cares, and didnt fight suspiciously amonst each other . 

Disability cuts and the "Life chances" doublespeak

Some thoughts.
The meagre below povery awards of any welfare in UK to an individual matters at the absolute level. All the thoughts on billions makes it more pallatable to say "This costs a lot of money" For a second here, think absolutes not totals, not percentages, not Budgets, but think of lives.
Think of the Prime Minister sending a message out saying with this budget we've improved life chances for the vulnerable (which he did, shortly after budget, or his team , at least did.

If you are below poverty level of what is deemed reasonable and expected by the general population, and JRF analyse this quite a bit, and money is removed... AND services removed (which is a Money + item, but cant be counted as income) How in the name of whoever or whatever you believe in is that improving life chances?
The double speak, the perniciousness, the grins and jeers. It even looked when the chancellor sat down from his speech my instant thought was "Then, Just then, did he do a mr Bean impersonation" as his face wasnt that of remose and what have i done, but rather a See, I did it! a la Bean, expression.
The news state latest cuts as 1.3 billion, fact checking been carried out by several conscientious and reputable journalists and they put this figure at 4.4billion.
Lets get back though to Individuals. Already, motabilty cars being lost as people no longer quality under extremely punitive mobility rules.
Where isolation mitigated in part, isolation is increasing.
Will there be , and there probably already are, people that have never seen a disabled person or know one? does this sound weird? not if you extrapolate.
Bear with me on this.
The alresdy tight heat or eat thing is well established. Rent crisis also established. They isolate people. People still manage , in some cases to maintain contact with people.
With less money, this Drift to isolation is unfortunately a known product of reduced funds.
So hardly improving life chances , is it?
Congratulations Mr Osborne. Using disabled as singular most revenue generation in this budget (See table 2.1 of the Budget- the red book, towards the end)

Regarding Cuts. Something ive said before . A reminder..

CUTS: Highest marginal propensity to consume demographic getting money reduced, has a direct affect locally regionally and nationally. With cuts to this demographic, everybody loses. EVERYBODY. 

Its not genious to make cuts, anyone can do that, 
what would be genious is realising that increasing income to that demographic has a multiplication both socially and economically. but our Chancellor only has a maths o-level and a non economic further qualification, ....

and the sense of a moth around a lightbulb.

I did an ask, imagine if someone asked for me

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With all the trans visibility, and everyone THINKING that makes it easier, JULIE trying to come out as Trans and become woman has had quite a few assaults and serious injuries in a so called tolerant society. The NHS in JULIES life did three NO. If I write No, NO, NO, that might show you at least mentally how gatekeepers to peoples reality work. Unless you fit. You need to fit a standard that has support, BACK UP, AND YES EVEN MONEY. And even then they may say NO. Common thought on this is that its an industry of least risk to themselves. IGNORING RISK TO PERSON WISHING THEIR TRANSITION, AND ASSISTED FACILITATION . Julie was told Trans people are selfish to the point of that’s all that matters to them… AS part of the NO process . Julie is a social person. And cares about people, cant be selfish by any measure deemed as criteria. Julie always knew she was a girl to become woman from an early age. Her Father abusively smashed her to behave masculine at every opportunity. Involving punches, restrictions of activities, even confinement though their embarrassment. Julie was pushed to act male. Julie is still physically a man. Julie exists and is being squashed. Julie is at the point where all the no’s just don’t make sense anymore. Julie needs to finance hormones, safely, electrolysis and other aspects of transition because SHE has realized that all the NO were based on fear, and the father couldn’t accept either that he’d given his seed to such as her. NOW WITHOUT DETAIL AND IDENTIFYING who exactly JULIE is right now. I would urge assistance. All donations matter however small. We need to solve JULIE’s problem



UPDATE AT sunday 17th of april
Managed three month supply but need the next three months ordered MID may. This is important, and i got about £40 of what is needed to that , what remains, i estimate as £225. Thats about 4 weeks to do that. So every little help helps greatly, and if you can , i'd be extremely thankful.

 Also quick link to donate £25.00 paypal.me/JulesHelpFund/25

So every little bit will help me.

People asking for detail? i wont describe the exact parental abuses, and stuf above referenced but heres a thing on feelings, inside of me...
See also a blog i did 7th may http://virtualgherkin.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/that-one-where-people-try-to-whatever.html

UPDATE: AT sunday 15th may
I have SOME more tablets, but will still need some more early July ... didnt manage 3 months worth this time, so all the help really does matter.

Update 26th june: I need one of the two tablets i need, one is sorted, the other has run out.

Update 12th October: Ran out of the estrogen.

Legal Aid Required for Welfare Claimants

By Samuel Miller

The DWP's six-point plan for dealing with suicidal claimants who have been denied welfare payments is proof that the DWP ministers know that their draconian welfare reforms are killing people. The Tories are at war with the poor and the low waged. Not only are benefit cuts driving people to think of killing themselves, but low wages and welfare sanctions are making people ill, shortening people's lives.

Benefit claimants are being pushed to the brink of suicide—and beyond—and they need more assistance than merely contacting the Samaritans. They urgently need to have their benefits reinstated, and that requires a reversal of the Legal Aid cuts to ensure that their legal and human rights are respected.

As you know, an avalanche of welfare reforms implemented by the Government has resulted in Legal Aid being scrapped for the majority of UK welfare benefits cases. Benefit claimants need a fully funded Legal Aid system in order to properly appeal their cases to Tribunals because their very lives are now at stake.

Jules (the one where i ask for help)

I am now asking for paypal donations so that i can self medicate, achieve electrolysis and live who i should be against NHS denial about my transexual nature. I should not be a man. Ive always felt that. I cant explain, i just know. That should be enough. Hormones on private market? .. i need them... also need electrolysis, that so far no electrolysist has priced up so i dont what to pay or ask for.
Dont take this post lightly . Ive done years of helping people on all sorts of things. I realise now i need help. and its a very hard thing to say, but yes, i do

I will honour your help with my journey

The help me help others on my donate button is ineed that. It helps me, and helps me help others

I dont be begging here. Im not a beggar. I cant see without help i can really get to be me. If you think its begging? you are wrong. Did i say Ten quid each to a target?  NO. not at all. All im doing is ask for help.


UPDATE: a year, currently minimum of £760. i have £106 towards, and would seriously appreciate even minimum amounts. THIS is my future, and that fund will go on NOTHING else. I cant do this alone . will you help me?
UPDATE 2: another £55 . Thanks.
UPDATE 3: Got to £200. min more of £560 needed. And that will virtually sort a years *basics*

UPDATE 4:  I need next order of tablets at start of May and so all contributions welcomed... and if more that next three months donated it will still be spent on the next three months and further after. I'd hope for support so i can get at least a years, but two years is really a need. So that i dont have the inscurity of start stop, which will be a really non effectual way to do this.
UPDATE 5: 25th March : I have just £15 of the approx £250 needed Before end of april, so can order before run out, and this is worrying. If you can help , it all adds up. What good is three months and stop? None.

 Not made up :

And Made up :

And The flip flop flop flop back and forth is exhausting . Hence my asking for your help .

The flip flop ? not just daily...

Okay i was "double denim, hair down, hour and a half make up &nails done " when i was assaulted 6th June '14 or this mayve happened sooner
Yes my foot and ankle still *remember* the assualt as does my knee. 

I was assualted attempting to come out also in 2007. That assault broke my right clavicle and displace the shoulder, and pulled a few muscles. With cuts to my face too. So 7 years before i tried again . I cant wait any longer .

And if you dont help with a donation, please hit the share button(s) below

Just a little on The "I get you" thing

Its strange isnt it that theres intersectionality across many serious and chronic illnesses in terms of symptoms?

Not strange really, cos bodies are all same design, essentially, and theres only so many exhibiting of problems combos at the limit. Interesting to think about.

 The reason i was thinking about it is several people ive spoken to with different illnessess, get some/many same effects.

One example? is Post Exertional Malaise. Another is the mental issue some call Malady. Which is tired and fed up of thinking and dealing with the illnesses.
(I can be worse, like depresession, even clinical depression in some cases)

There are many more. Probably not worth me trying to list. You may know anyway, or you may not. 

This thought chain has arisen as i AM helping someone come to terms with a DX* they have, using my journey path with mine to try to show that post DX is hard, and then understanding the changes although difficult is essential in my humble opinion. Sharing and saying "Me TOO" really does help, more than people realise.

Dealing with the meds too can be an issue, but i shant explore that here.

My way was to look further into my stuff and BE expert patient. That sounds silly. Understanding the dx is important, what it can mean etc. It can help . I'll stop thisas its really saying not a lot, but a lot at the same time.

Its an area worth deeper thought, anyway. This being quite a scratch on the surface.



*Note > Dx= diagnosis for those that dont know reading this.