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Friday, 31 August 2018

To stop the rain : Poem

Sometimes i cry like a drain flowing to main sewer in a heavy rain,
sometimes i bounce back again,
there's sunshine, there's rain,
how they happen both again and again....
Theres things that stop me flushing away the hope of another day
and more of the sunshine.
The heavy rain its heavy rain again and again
its never not coming back.
 Theres one thing could help An umbrella of ..... what would do it and stop the cycling brain and minimise the rain?
Some know what that is
others think nothing of it
ignored , abhorred and distanced to maintain persistance
there must be distance
 All to stop the rain

Saturday, 14 July 2018

The one Where i turned down training someone's dog.

Was asked to help train ( by help , they meant train ) a dog thats a bit untrained so to speak. For nowt. I carefully considered that , and asked questions as well. And i tested the person as to whether they would listen, copy, and do what i was to be suggesting, which isnt draconian, military or a la barbara woodhouse malarkey.... i doubted they would emulate, or even try.... the simples stuff i was gonna get dog sorted with. So rather than confuse the dog i said to person that unless they would stick to what i was gonna say/ do... and that means all in their house as well... AND commit to three determined walks a day as well, i wasnt gonna do it for them. See going to a "space" or "Outside" with a dog , although people often THINK thats mostly the key, the key does start with what i describe as Determined Walks. That doesnt mean having a sniper dog (thats one sniffing everything and zoomng about all the time--- Thats allowable when *you* decide) you have to have the determined controlled walk as a core. And build from that. Without that , in my experience , other stuff can wait. Apart from the housebreaking? Which funny enough IS solved with DETERMINED WALKS . Theres lots of crossover bits and bobs to this. But i dont think the person would "be up for" the fix they wanted/ indicated they wanted. And certainly and often its Owners that need the training MORE THAN THE DOG.
However , im not an "expert" per se, although i seriously do know what im doing

Tuesday, 12 June 2018

Bank stuffs

Okay Bank stuff. They said in email if you dont want the new card to go to branch for collection ring us and we'll change it....

Hmmm that didnt work well . Rang.....

Send it to my house....
Cant its on its way to branch...
Cancel that one, send me new one .....
Cant that'd cancel your not yet expired one too....
How long for?
5-7 days if sent to home.....
So why is it 2-3 days to branch?
Dont know......
Really?
Yes i cant tell you
So why the email instructions? ......
*Silence*
Well cant you cancel an issue number? (last two digits after account numbr not card number)
No, thatd cancel the one you already have as well....
WHY?
Dont know.
Can you change future not to be sent to branch?
Hold on....
(5 minutes hold)
Yes ive done that for you....

What the fuck, and why the fuck is the ring us we'll change it , but then "Cant its on its way to branch..." when i ring when I GET THE EMAIL that says i can change it with no bother?


UPDATE: First call was incorrect info given to me. Couple of emails, and They then phoned two days later to say they themselves not the branch could send another duplicate of one sent to branch and branch will destroy one they have and that the existing one WOULDNT stop in the process. Arse about elbow.


Further UPDATE: They said in fridays call existing card wouldnt be stopped. But it was. As per first call. so now gotta wait to get the new one. which is shite. thatt "5-7 days - usually sooner"
All becuse an email instruction said it would be No Problem. well now there bloody is.
(explanation went to use the card *DECLINED* and thats cos call 2 said they could do something that the email said they could do , and yet call one was actually correct. so i now gotta wait for new card before i can do anything AT ALL )
probably means on tuesday when i have to pay a few things out , i wont be able to. as card is defunct until i get new one.
Cant use paypal in a IRL shop either . And stuff gotta pay out , no paypal, also --- 3 quid left on electric, so that card better hurry up and be here quick . Shambolic.
They called again. I failed the last security question as i couldnt remember last cash withdrawal from ATM as they vary... mostly i use card in shop. so they went all circular and said to answer your Unfreeze question go to branch. Which is what this was all about where i didnt wanna go branch in first place JUST wanted a card sent to my home, not branch. See how this works? they arent admitting their email was wrong in the first place? They said it was simple. it certainly isnt.
essentially im being steamrollered into accepting their error without consideration to my simple request.
So the new card better get here quick then. 5-7 days from friday is their standard quote but it was added, often quicker than that. but on standard thats me under forced destitution, because i was told the existing wouldnt be stopped until new was activated. "It'll still work" exact words. Very angry at moment and wont rant further. but ...

Unless card arrives and is active soon Right okay . The whole thing started not to got to branch. They asked a question i couldnt remember. i might have HAVE to go to branch . What a fuck up . Ongoing issue i'd passed the questions twice already on this. They are being obtuse.



Friday, 8 June 2018

WHEN YOU CANT HELP PEOPLE WITHOUT OTHER PEOPLE HELPING YOU

well i find bills are swamping me

so i really havent listened that helping people is bad for your healf and wealth and welfare

.

i have a debt now , again over over a grand

I DIDNT LISTEN TO JANE AS MUCH AS I THOUGHT I DID

Well i dooooo ask for repay of costs on helps , some cant

but i am finding i get more That dont pay me even the cost of what i do, which can be as little as a fiver

Think i have my internet, i have to maintain my life at whatever low level it might be etc etc

So im rethink mode , again, and in debt

Thursday, 15 March 2018

Poem : They did, but didnt, but did


I did a poem they said they understood
i did art they said buy they would
They didnt, and didnt
But what they did didnt
match the aim and caused a schism
They used instead
A thread
Of use brain, and drain
Without reinforcement
and what they meant
was, and is a division
of soul between
realisation and possibleism
From one place where both exists
But given no grace
for all that that can be
and should .
The users ,
and may i say abusers
Of my worth,
May i say forth...
Making my soul into a piece of wood .

Tuesday, 13 March 2018

Doesnt spam email get bored ?

Heres a spam email i got.

Dont they get bored? I know, its send out shit loads hoping someone falls for it, but the ludicrous nature of some (Like this) makes me wonder why they even bother sometimes. Yeah, its a numbers game for them .

This'll probably make you go O mi life, or pee yourself laughing....

"Good Day,

Please get back to me very quickly for a detailed brief on an ongoing plot to steal your ATM CARD. I do not know your reason for not claiming this ATM CARD before now. My Boss the Director General of Debt Management Office (DMO) is on leave and the person who is his deputy is trying to send your ATM CARD to another beneficiary in Indonesia, I heard him speaking to the person on the telephone about sending some ATM CARD to him for him to withdraw the money and invest on his behalf in Indonesia.

When I heard their conversation, I decided to see what I can do to assist you so that your card will not be among the ATM CARD he will steal with the PIN and send to Indonesia, So I quickly went into his office when he went on break and remove the envelope containing your ATM CARD with the PIN. I have made arrangement to send the card to you and it will cost you the sum of $380.00. I want you to send out this amount immediately to avoid loosing your ATM CARD.

Also confirm your full name, direct telephone number and your receiver's address to avoid any mistake. I am waiting for your urgent reply to this email now. Do not respond to this message if you are not ready to pay $380 for sending of the ATM CARD to you.

Thanks.
Mr. Neil Olgia" 

Monday, 19 February 2018

Poem: At the Back Of The Room

Poem 

Standing here
at the back of the room
i see you there, in the lights
and the glare
and you are there
and happy
dealing with it
wheeling with it
laughing with it
But then theres another
its not my brother
i dont have one
staring at the glare
and he is where
I am.
We dont speak but nod
a voice booms but just try
he starts to cry 
so i ask why
and theres no reply
is that a projection? Is it self protection?
Because He disappears
but i have no tears

Tuesday, 23 January 2018

Compromised by vandals

Back gate has been busted off nearly two weeks, had to be propped up to appear at least as a gate from a distance. I reported repair required , it took a few days and then they booked repair for 8th feb.
I stressed that it is an security , ish , issue. Standard response was "its not" .
But what is a gate if its not part of "defensible space"?

Plus i wanted to do some serious off lead training with my nearly 10 month old wonderful doggie. And with the gate not being a gate, and the dog being a terrier mix? not possible to use that space. And the reason that space is needed is recall training a terrier in other spaces without bounds....hmmm.. imagine that .

Sometimes i despair at lack of understanding. When i Clearly state why its an issue, and get "its a standard"

O I doubt if Their yard gates were busted off theyd leave it that long?

Saturday, 20 January 2018

Small Blog, Big Point, Recognising PTSD and needs?

Okay heres a thinking thing.
UK doesnt really recognise "assistance dogs" for MH on basis of Them Being with you makes a huge difference.... Lets go further with this. Im more likely to go a place with my dog, than without. FACT. But there are many places you cant go with dog . More: I'd go more places if more places recognised need of having dog with.
The UK does this very poorly. in my opinion.
Does this make sense because I wasnt going to write a huge diatribe on it. But i can in two or three places here where they say No Dogs, actually pick her up and carry her in the place. And its allowed because Ive said categorically "Im Not leaving her outside"

Further thought... people WITH MONEY get to take their dogs far more places than those with less. So if a person with less cant spread far and wide with dog places as their effective area footprint is smaller, then thats when its noticeable in many places that few places allow dogs. If people say Plenty of places do, they may be looking at a wider area than those that definitely notice lack of places. 

Monday, 1 January 2018

Poem: Belonging To Team Tory

#TeamTory!
Sneer at your hearts content
at rows of tents
and high rents
the kerching at your bank
oh, the glorious Wanks!
Oh what larks
Yet thats the start...
We can sell stuff that isnt ours
and within a couple of hours
we'll all be millionaires.

Saturday, 16 December 2017

Poem: The Tablet Takers

All Hail the tablet takers
The hard, the soft , the sugar coated
The swallow is the thing
but wait
theres also pessaries
Now think and compose
And say who knows
Better than those
do you?
For if
and then
there is a clue..
Do you
think rather them than you?
For thats not understanding
thats demanding
sometimes
The well do not
Have a clue
(Jules 2017)

Sunday, 10 December 2017

Broken Pip Assessment Process Example By Paula Peters

PIP - Personal Independence Payments.
On Tuesday, 12th December 2017, Winvisible, DPAC and MHRN are holding a vigil outside the Royal Courts of Justice from 1 pm to support the PIP court case for claimants in mental distress.
I want to share a little bit about my friend L story with PIP, she went through the transition from DLA to PIP in September last year. She never said anything to me at the time, but once her award was sorted out, she told me that she worried all year about how she would afford to heat her home and if she would be able to keep her cat Mog, who, have to say, is her lifeline and a lot of the time company for her. Cuddling Mog is what helps her ground herself.
Just at the beginning of her transition process I was staying at her flat when I had a dreadful headache, and asked if she had paracetamol. She told me top drawer in the kitchen.
I went there and found 26 boxes of paracetamol. I was shocked by it, but, also worried and knew why she would have done that. I got them out of the drawer and talked to her about it. She said she wanted them there with the option of taking her own life or harming herself if she did not get through the PIP Process as she could not face the prospect of all the stress of it. I love my friend dearly, but knew I could not help her with this as was going through a really tough time myself and under the home treatment team myself at the time.
I did get help for her, and we went to A and E, and she was under the home treatment for the weekend to keep her safe. She handed over the 26 boxes of paracetamol and had a phone chat with her psychiatrist on the Monday, who once told what was the factor for this incident, said, she is in a fragile state, and chronically pyschotic, that if anything happened to her, he would hold the DWP and Atos personally responsible and complaints would be lodged with the highest level. He wrote her a letter to state that, and we got her care plans, photos of the hoarding situations, a letter from the GP, which had to be re written, one from me, and a lot of help and support from Gail, Maggie and myself filling in the form, getting it photocopied, and sent off recorded signed for.
L has paranoid schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, and is clozapine for this and needs constant monitoring as clozapine can cause heart failure. she attends clozapine clinic once a month under the cmht. She will never be discharged from them and is crisis most of the time and barely able to function. She cannot travel anywhere without support, simple journeys terrify her. She does not feel safe outside gets messages in car number plates and has audio and visual hallucinations. She cant plan a journey anywhere and needs constant support to do so.
We got a doctor letter to say she could not travel to the assessment and needed a home visit and needed an afternoon appointment because of the heavy sedation of her meds mornings L could not function and was often asleep. We asked for her access needs to be met under the equalities act of 2010. We stipulated that quite clearly.
Atos sent an appointment to go to Vauxhall for 9 am in the morning. ATOS ignored that. So we phoned them up and pointed out the equalities act of 2010 and that due to her mental distress and heavy sedation of her meds that this appointment was not appropriate. That she never had appointments in the morning and we could prove that with her GP if required to do so.
The receptionist we spoke to said she had never heard of the equalities act of 2010 and did not know what it was, or what disability discrimination was!
I said, you will do when i go to the MP and the media with the story and get them involved and how you discriminated against her and did not take her access needs into account when planning an appointment, even when requested to do so and quite happy to get a barrister involved for additional publicity.
There was heavy silence at the end of the phone to this, which said to us, we knew we had ATOS and they knew we were not joking. They said they would send another appointment through.
Within a few days, they said no assessment was required as L had plenty of medical evidence to support her claim and would do a paper assessment. She sent enough paperwork that was two inches thick.
When in December last year she did get her award, I read her medical report. Carried out by a physio therapist. There was no record of her attending clozapine clinic as part of managing her condition. It simply did not exist. L got one point for using a dosset box to put her meds in. I could not believe it. Nor was there any mention of the intent to harm herself with 26 boxes of meds, the trip to A and E or home treatment within the past several weeks. I was angry.
March this year and the government bought in £4.5bn cuts to PIP and mental health claimants going through the assessments did not qualify for points if you did not have 16 hours of therapy a week to manage your condition. Who on earth gets 16 hours of therapy treatment. It does not happen, and with severe mental health cuts and discharging back to primary care many do not have a CMHT to go along to to get medical evidence for claims.
Then claimants do not get points for mobility for needing support for planning a journey or having problems travelling due to psychological distress.
That will impact on L when she is next assessed when her award is due to come to an end.
I told her about the court case on Tuesday and asked if she was going to come with me. She said she felt distressed at the mere thought of it, and did not want to go as it was too close to home and it would cause additional distress.
So to R the claimant bringing the case, L is with you in spirit as are many thousands upon thousands of others.
Solidarity to you. x

Monday, 27 November 2017

That one where i talk about a wedding, and fawning , and feudalism

With the "News" be careful not to Fawn . I wont be fawning . Nope. Its a verb >
(already i see "doffing of cap stylee fawning" . )
It can also be described as Deference To Feudal Monarchical structures in my opinion. And everytime i see it , its really like "wake up! What are *ARE* you actually doing?"
If you don't know that the Monarchy is a rooted in what i can only describe as fallacy, the current motto is still "Dieu et mon droit" (God and my right) look deeper. Look up Divine Right Of Kings. The political structure still defers to allow continuation of families that had no "right" in the first place. Albeit remove the Legal stuff where overruling parliament Is now only Theoretical, the continuation of positioning nods to feudalism , and then that overshadows what parliament does to protect the Establishment.
No I shall not be fawning , I wish them no harm. I do wish though the removal of this archaic structure. And yet i have no solution. Maybe state ownership of Every Single asset (I MEAN EVERYTHING) . and employ them as Tour Guides? Not that far fetched a thought .

Tuesday, 19 September 2017

Perils of Pain and Ptsd

Just some notes really. Nothing Supremely Enlightening.

Adds 1.2km to diary . one dog walk. Also records during and after pain or throb or feeling .

Thats so i CAN tell hospital exacts. Not easy but have had to "Walk through" even since "it "happened and went post crutches. HAD to.
helps having dog . Had 5 months after Biggs without which was a bit yuk, to tell ya the truth. Also Biggs and Kaz both quite assistant, (RIP The Biggles) in the actually going out with the soc.anx/ ptsd post "that assault". If with dog, - hard to explain, its a different feeling "Out there" without .

Had soc.anx before it. But it got a bit magnified. I do get "windows" of "this is sort of okay", without dog, but then a BOOM... really hard to explain that one. That bit? DWP ignored, as they did with foot etc, as they did with all the stuff i mentioned/ listed.