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Monday, 18 January 2016

The one where It Matters Again..

So morning thingy dog walk 1.0 and another thing, done and im back.

First i did was throw some junk mail away. isnt junk mail annoying?
Then coffee and tablets. The Blue tablet. three white ones a yellow one and a brown one. oof and a tiny blue one. Thats main stuff done. Now only 2 codydras in 4 hours which i will be needing. Knee in the cold is painful. now more coffee, three small emails, 1 is a helpy 2 personal. lighter load now that i decided if im out of pocket on a help, unless i willing gift say a jar of coffee, or the like, or im going there anyway, ...the bus fare, postage, phonecalls, even stuff like cost of meeting where I have to BUY stuff to be there - Drinks/sandwich whatever.. i want that cost back as i wouldnt have spent it otherwise. .
Those costs can rapidly add up if busy, which i WAS, quite a bit,  and cause personal issues. Low income isnt fun to juggle at all.

IF i am to do more, it will be because im able to? not saying i WONT spend out voluntarily, The obligation, i think was the issue, self driven obligation.

Some understand, others are not so understanding, especially if im helping someone who has more money than me, they assume, wrongly, im able to do that outlay.
Enough of that.

Im also post injury 2014, june, finally in a mindframe to clear old paperworks, and un needed stuffs, which will take time, Its tiring to do, but it went a bit south from injury time to recent... PTSD? (it was an assault. That seriously hit my self esteem. Added to the lies depression tells me, and result was random chaotic flat. This cant continue. Its a thing that i really never allowed before.

The stopping of cost helpys , however small each individual cost was enabled me to think and award myself a gift for myself, the computer im typing this on, albeit on credit, calculated carefully and manageable. Not via Loan shark, brighthouse or those real rip off lines of stupid credit either, a very sensible way.

Some readers wouldve visited me previously prior to that injury, and seen a tidy ordered place. I want that back.

Its not like those disastrous hoarder programmes you see, no where like that. No where close. But annoying enough .

Its nice to have the feeling back again that It Matters Again.

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